


River Song, The Safe and The Necklace

by graestu



Category: Doctor Who
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2021-01-16 08:15:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21267890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/graestu/pseuds/graestu
Summary: Two sinister agents collect River Song from jail for a secret mission.





	River Song, The Safe and The Necklace

_"Song; River," _ the prison Governor read out in a bored voice. He was staring at a clipboard while standing at her cell door. "It appears your delightful presence is required elsewhere."

"Oh dear," she replied with a smile. "Only temporarily, I hope, as I do _so_ enjoy your hospitality."

She offered no resistance as handcuffs were snapped on by two guards in the usual casual manner. With this opportunity for a bit of bullying, they needlessly shoved her along the corridor. A final push, and she was in a room with two grim looking officials. Twins, at least, if not clones. Barcode badges on their dark suits identified them as Agent 7-8 and Agent 14-16. The Governor was not invited, and the guards were dismissed.

"Never mind what's in it for you," snarled the first official, indicating River had to sit down. 7-8 was anticipating her question, as she realised she was about to be volunteered for an unrefusable offer.

"This is what is going to happen," said the second official. 14-16 was the smarmier of the two, but left no doubt that there is a severe punishment for failure. "Certain 'items' need to be removed from a safe. The most sophisticated safe in existence. It occurred to - "

"Us," Agent 7-8 butted in, to ensure his role in the plan was acknowledged.

"... us," continued Agent 14-16, " that only someone who has been to the future and cracked later models, would regard the version in our time as primitive and unchallenging. Naturally, we thought of you."

"Naturally," River agreed.

She held up her hands to point out how it would be impossible to do the job handcuffed, with a look that dared them to risk removing them.

"We've thought of that," said 7-8 proudly.

He placed a metal loop around River's neck, fastening it at the back, so that a small glass box was at the front.

"Microphone, camera," he explained. "We will be watching and listening to your every move, and keeping in contact with this." He handed her an earpiece.

"Any attempt to remove this necklace will result in it tightening," sneered 14-16. And he relished demonstrating with his hands, which were like two little octopuses, how tiny it would become.

"It's rather fetching," said River. "I can see myself running away and merrily wearing it forever!"

"Oh, didn't I say?" said 14-16. "It's got a timer. It'll..." He repeated his strangling gesture, "... in 10 hours, anyway."

7-8 held up the only key that could prevent this, and chuckled with a noise that sounded like a cough stuck in the back of his throat.

"Is _everyone_ round here recruited from the 'Right Barrel Of Laughs Agency' ? " River Song sighed.

The unremarkable looking van slowed down briefly. River Song jumped out and dashed across the road to the target house. There was only half a minute either side of this single hour when the robots that patrolled this street would not see her. One hour until they swapped directions and she could dash out again. One hour to complete the job.

The van continued. Agent 7-8 and Agent 14-16, with their technician, were crammed in the back, carefully studying their monitors and synchronised watches.

"She's at the front door," said 14-16. "Did you say something?"

"I never said anything," River hissed back.

"I thought I heard a voice, check that," a jumpy 14-16 told the technician. He insisted to River that there was no one in the house - it had been under surveillance all day - as she went inside.

River trod warily in the evening darkness, following the unnecessary guidance of Agent 7-8, and soon reached the safe.

"It's open!" she said. And looking closer, "It's empty! You've set me up!"

The only light in the room came from the CCTV screen which showed the outside of the front door.

River thought she saw a quick movement out of the corner of her eye.

And with a 'shshsh' noise, and a high pitched warbling electronic squeal, the screens in the van went blank, and the sound switched off.

Nevertheless, the van slowed down as it passed the house. And to the agents' surprise, River ran out and dived into the back. There was an angry, silent air of failure.

Then the technician, trying to lighten the mood as the van roared off again, said, "I've cleaned up the recording." No one wanted to know, but he carried on, cheerily. "It was nothing to worry about. We must have picked up some stray transmission from an old sitcom or comedy film. Because no one's ever said it in real life. Apparently, the voice said, get this, "Oh my God, it's the Mrs!"


End file.
